Justification

Before anything else… share muna ako ng pics from my ever reliable phone. 😀

I took this while I was walking down the Acad Oval. Naku, kung UP student ka, dapat alam mo na kung anong puno to. Hehe. Ang ganda ng silhouette niya. Desktop worthy.

This banner was posted sa harap ng tambayan ng MMC (mathematics majors club), apparently congratulating their success in a recent competition. Look closer…

Hehe. Approved for posting pa yan. 😀 Malamang typo.

I took this pic yesterday kasi naaliw kami ni Mae sa kanila. Nagpapatulong ata si Rich sa Math tas eventually everybody pitched in (well, spectators kami ni Mae, hehe. Inaantok na ko by this time kasi I lost too much sleep ). Ang cute.

Usually I treat my “journals” as if its a repository of absolutely everything that’s on my mind. Sa totoo lang, kahit mas naging maingay ako ngayong college, I’m basically a reserved person kaya sa writing nabubuhos ang mga hinanakit ko.

Pero in this case, I choose not to tell everything. Pasensya na.

Yesterday was one of the worstly-concluded days I have ever known. I talked with a close friend and she said something about you.. Being a reliable source of information (depends on your perspective), she told me basically some truths which I should have known way way before.

The only question that was on my mind was Why did it all come to this?

I just felt more confused than before.. I walked back to AS with my eyes blurry with tears I didn’t dare let out.. One of the things I hate most is showing weakness and helpnessness and it’s so frustrating when I know I don’t have control over the situation.

From then on I was quiet.. trying to be as normal as possible. Training helped me temporarily forget all those things my friend said.. but as soon as training was over, it all came back.

I can’t remember another situation in my life where I was more alone. It was simply aggravating to realize that I always do my best to help other people but when it comes to me.. I find myself dealing with my problems on my own. I’m always on the giving end of the relationship, never really knowing how it feels like to be the one benefiting..

One asked me if I want to let go. What should I let go? I have nothing to hold on to in the first place. What I have before, I have given away..

Should I forgive? I have forgiven so many times in my life.. But for me there’s no use in forgiving if the person doesn’t change for the better.

Don’t you remember our conversations in the past? I told you then that I don’t hate because hating is still caring about the person.. and if time’ll come that I get really mad at you, it won’t be hate you’ll be getting but sheer apathy. I thought that situation would never surface. But it did.

I honestly don’t know what’s going to come after this.

All I ask is just a decent conversation.

No holds barred.. Tell me everything I need to know and what you really feel and I’ll tell you what’s on my mind. You of all people know I’m stubborn when it comes to these situations. When it comes to saving what’s left of a relationship, issues must be resolved and things must be done.

I want to hear it straight from you.

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